A large refund means you overpaid all year and lent the government money at zero interest. A large balance due can trigger underpayment penalties. Neither is the goal; landing near zero is.
The current W-4 asks about total household income rather than allowances, which handles dual-income households far better than the old version. The IRS Tax Withholding Estimator is the accurate way to set it. Recheck after any of the events that reliably break withholding: marriage, a child, a second job, a spouse starting work, or significant self-employment income.